


white cliffs of dover

by rogersbarnes (orphan_account)



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Depressed Harry, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-03
Updated: 2015-02-03
Packaged: 2018-03-10 09:17:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3284987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/rogersbarnes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis is part of a patrol team on the cliffs of Dover, trying to save lives of the lost and broken hearted. He meets Harry, one night, sitting on the edge of the cliff.</p>
            </blockquote>





	white cliffs of dover

***’*'***

The  coast starts to come to life nearing the end of winter. People seem to move just a bit faster than usual, trying not to make too much noise, get to their houses before the sun goes down and the last bits of frosty air starts to bite at their surroundings.

Louis can barely feel his gloved fingers from where he’s grasping the cold steering wheel in a death grip. Sitting in his shitty car, not even being able to turn on the heater as it broke a few weeks ago, he seriously considers driving that damn thing right over the edge of the cliffs right next to him. He would jump out before, of course. Maybe pull Niall with him, too. 

Speaking of which, he's snoring next to him, seemingly not bothered by the cold at all and Louis huffs a bit at the sight of his flat mate’s sleeping position. His head is hanging down at an awkward angle that couldn’t possibly be comfortable and there’s some saliva dribbling down the corner of his mouth and if Louis wasn’t so busy focusing on the road – because there’s some really heavy fog action going on tonight and he happens to have left his stupid glasses at home so he’s having some minor difficulties making out anything in front of him really – so yeah, if he wasn’t so busy driving, he would’ve definitely made a video for, you know, blackmailing stuff that could come in handy some time.

He’s driven along this road countless times but it still seems scary at times, especially after six o’clock, how there’s no one to be seen up here anymore. It’s miles and miles of coast ahead of him, the neverending dark sea to his right, the relentless fall of the white cliffs that makes an uneasy feeling settle between his bones and grip the steering wheel just a bit tighter. It's always like this, whenever they're on night duty. 

When he pulls op on the parking are in front of the small and only pub around here he spots Liam’s car already parked. He can make ou a few human shapes a few feet away from him, there's some movement of flashlights. He stops the car and pokes Niall in the ribs with his elbow, waking him up. The blonde guy startles and looks around confused, before he groans and rubs at his eyes sleepily.

“God, naps like this fucking destroy me” he mutters, opening the glove compartement to pull out their stuff.

“Take my beanie, will you?” Louis mumbles quietly and takes it along with his phone when Niall reaches the items over. He pulls the warm fabric over his head and tucks his fringe away underneath it before he opens the door and steps out into the freezing air, making his way towards the group of people.

"I think tonight's the night. 'm gonna freeze my fucking balls off." Niall swears, right behind him and Louis snickers a little.

Liam’s already handing them their flashlights and luminous vests when they join the group. “Looking good, mate” He frowns at Niall who half heartedly flips him off whilest putting on his black vest.

Louis smiles, slides into his own vest and looks around in their little circle. There are some faces he hasn't seen before. There's Eleanor and Perrie who wave at him when he smiles at them. And then there’s a middle aged women drinking tea out of a thermos who smiles kindly at him when Louis waves a hand at her.

“Paul’s on his way, he just called. ‘s gonna be a smaller group tonight.” Liam explains and squints his eyes at an approaching car. “That might be him.”

See, what they're doing here, is not a job or something. They don't get paid for it. Sure, Louis could need the money, what with him going to uni and barely being able to afford the apartment he’s sharing with Niall. He works at a Game Store which is quite cool as he’s getting all of the new games before they’ve been officially released, but the money’s really shitty and they barely make it through most of the times even with Niall taking double shifts at the cafè in town.

So yeah, anyway, they're obviously not doing this for money, none of them are. It’s just... There’s been this incident a few months back. There was this girl, coming all the way from germany, and she was sitting here all day, feet dangling over the edge, according to whitnesses, and then – just before the sun disappeared behind the sea, she put her belongings down on the grass next to her, and then she’d got up, spread her arms and just-

There’s a cross now, at the exact place where she had jumped off.  _15.8.14 – Darling we love you -_ graved into it. 

Of course she wasn't the only one who'd on these cliffs. Louis had heard of the other ones before but it just, yeah of course everyone always was shocked whenever someone had died and it's always been damn sad, but it was different with her. He's not sure why. He thinks it might be because when he saw that picture of her, the big blue eyes and her long blond hair, she'd reminded him an awful lot of his little sisters. 

And then he thought, if someone would've been here. If someone would've talked to her and just bloody had prevented her from jumping then... this girl would be back in germany, with her family, people who loved and missed her and maybe she would be better by now. She'd be alive. He wasn't a hero, none of them were. But if they could save someone just by being there for them, talking to them, then maybe he'd sleep a bit better at night. 

So, that's why he did it. Well, at least that's why  _he_ did it. It was a piece of work to get Niall and his lazy ass into it but as always Louis managed to convince him even if that meant that he had to do their laundry twice as often as Niall. They'd met Liam here on their first night and he was doing it because he was a human angel with puppy eyes and they'd gotten quite close eversince. 

"Right lads" And there's Paul, letting his backpack fall to the ground. "You know how this goes. Tonight Liam and I are going to take the south end. Eleanor and Perrie, you're going to take East with Ruth." He gives a little wave at the woman Louis didn't recognise before. He still doesn't actually but whatever. "Niall and Louis, you'll take the North. Split up at the end, one of you's gotta look out for the back road as well. Check your radio sets every once in a while, you know how those damn things like to turn off. We'll meet up here again in in three hours. Any questions?"

The usual silence. 

"Okay then. Let's hope we won't have much to do tonight. If anything happens, everyone report immediately. Be safe. And please. watch your steps." 

It's the same routine after that. Everyone picks up their stuff, their radio sets, some water and food, batteries for the flashlights and they split up. 

"You going to visit your mom this weekend?" Niall asks as they make theri way to the north end of the cliffs. Louis walks on left, closer to the edge, because he knows how clumsy Niall can and he really doesn't want him to trip over nothing but fucking air and fall over the edge into an unevitable death.

"Nah, don't think so. Think the twins are having some kind of ballet party at home. Really not up for that." He sighs, pulling the sleeves of his coat over his hands. Winter should be over, it definitely shouldn't be this fucking cold, what the fuck, it feels like the air is stabbing tiny little needles into his skin wherever it isn't covered with fabric.

Niall laughs a bit. "Okay. Cool." Wait, does he sound... disappointed?

Louis gives him a confused look, smirking. "Wait, do you want me out or something?"

"What? No I was just curious. 's all." He pushes Louis' shoulder when he doesn't stop smirking and immediately grabs his arm after doings so, a look of panic flashing across his face. Yeah, Louis kind of knows that feeling after last time when Niall tripped while they were fucking trying to wrestle or some shit. He'd almost crapped his pants to be honest.

"Well, then you sure won't mind if I take someone home on Saturday? I was thinking of Aiden, because he and I were-"

"Shut the fuck up you prick." Niall groans and Louis just laughs because he knew. "I might have asked Barbara to stay over. And I kind of wanted to be alone with her but I mean it doesn't really make sense if your ass is around."

"When have I ever cockblocked you?" Louis asks and points his flashlight around a bit, looking out for human shapes. Just because nothing had happened for the past few weeks  didn't mean it wouldn't tonight.

"Uh, there was this time at Liam's party, with... what was her name? Jane? Jade? And then back at Nick's, in the pool, when I was about to kiss Barbara and you fucking prick decided to do a cannonball right next to us? And there's also that time when we were at that club in London with Luke and Ashton and you just kind of danced around me all the fucking time and you wouldn't-"

"Okay, okay, I think I got the message. I'm an asshole and I'm probably going to hell for all of that. I'll crash at Liam's this weekend. That sound good?"

Niall stops walking for a second and stares at him like Louis just told him that he'd wanked off into his sheets the other week after Niall ate the left overs of his Pizza. Actually, he probably should tell him that, if Barbara really was going to stay over. Louis wasn't that much of an asshole okay? "What, just like that?"

"Just like that." Louis nods.

"But why- you shithead, did you do something? Do I need to search the whole flat?" Niall asks, still suspicious.

"No you wanker, I'm just trying to be nice. Stop fucking questioning my motives before I change my mind." They have reached the point where the road splits into two smaller paths, one going ahead and the other one left along the coast.

"Thanks mate." Niall mumbles and yawns and goes to take the left road but Louis' alreadys grasping his jacket, pulling him back.

"You take the right." He says, well, it's more like an order but. He's older, okay? Also wiser. Niall has to listen to him.

"But why?" Niall whines a little. "It's fucking boring there, can't even see the coast so what's the point? No one who's about to kill himself is going to do it in the middle of a god damn field-"

"It's not about that." Louis sighs. "There's no way I'm going to let you take the coast on your own. I'm not even gonna discuss that with you." Louis can see it, very clearly, in front of his eyes. Niall eyeing the sea thinking about Barbara's boobs or some shit like that and  _not_  watching his steps and just like that flinging himself off the cliff and putting an end to his young irish life. Thanks but no thanks.

"Alright Mum." Niall rolls his eyey but then smiles fondly at him. "You're really cute when you're concerned about the people you love."

"What love mate? I fucking hate you!" Louis laughs and turns around, starting to walk away.

"Hey, be careful!" Niall laughs.

"Always am!" Louis shouts back. He's done this path a few times. It's the one where he'll come across a few little thombstones and crosses and he never looks, just keeps walking and somehow always hopes not to see anyone until his shift is over. He's never come across someone during his shifts and he would very much like for that to stay that way.

Well, it's kind of stupid to think like that. Like, he went through some tough training for this and like, it shouldn't be for nothing, right? It's just. He's just fucking terrified, okay? Technically he knows everything about how to act around someone who's about to end their life. But it's a whole different thing when it really happens. It's kind of like CPR. You know all the steps in your head but when you actually have to do it, not just on some stupid dummy but on someone who's about to die. It's... it's not that easy.

He's been walking a few minutes, maybe half an hour, he didn't really check, and he's shaking his flashlight to load it up when he spots an unfamiliar shape from the corner of his eyes.

It's positive to say that his heart stops beating for a second and for a moment he doesn't dare look up and check if his mind wasn't just playing games with him.

When he gets his shit together and finally  _does_  look up he stops breathing all together.

Because right there, just a minutes walk ahead of him, is someone sitting on the edge of the cliff.

Louis' hand automatically goes to pull out his radio set to inform the others.

"Paul, are you there?" He asks.

"Yes, Louis. Any problems?" Paul responds immediately.

Louis sighs. "Uh, I'm not sure. There's someone sitting, like on the edge. Looks like a guy."

"Are they alone?" Paul asks next.

"I think so, I'm not close enough. Not even sure if it  _is_ a guy actually."

"Okay. Stay calm. You know what to do. When you're close enough, give us all the informations about who we're dealing with, alright? I'm gonna make my way to you and stay close. If you need me to help out you call immediately, understand?"

"Yes." Louis almost wants to ask him to come over and deal with this rather than him because fuck. What if he screws up? What if he scares the person and he or she just fucking jumps and-

No, fuck no. He trained for this, he's prepared. He can do this.

And no one's going to help him because that's the reason why you can't patrol in pairs because no one who's about to end their life wants to deal with anyone, let alone with more than one person.

He starts walking, slowly, trying to make no sound.

Right. This is happening, then.

He’s going through all the steps in his head, trying desperately to remember how that man from the training told them to approach people in these situations and rule number one was to not scare them.

Do  _not_ fucking scare them the way Louis does in that exact moment by stepping on those stupid pebbles and-

The person whips around and Louis can’t see their face, it’s too dark, but at least he or she is still sitting and doesn’t make an impression of being scared to death.

“Who’s there?” A very low voice asks and okay. It’s a guy.

Louis takes a deep breath. He can do this. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“What do you want?” The guy asks and he doesn’t particularly sound angry or defensive or nervous or anything at all really. Just a bit... tired maybe?

“I was just... taking a walk.” He answers, cringing when he's done. What the hell, how can someone be so fucking unprofessionnal about this?

“It’s like, ten o’clock in the evening.” The guy says and what, does he acutally sound amused? Maybe he isn’t sitting there at the very edge of the cliff in the middle of the night because of what Louis thinks he intends to do. Maybe he’s just a crazy man who likes to do that sort of thing. Louis doesn’t judge as long as he can get this guy away from there as fast as possible.

“Well, you’re here too. I don’t think it’s your place to judge.” Louis says, trying to sound casual, still not having moved at all eversince the guy adressed him.

The guy makes a small sound that sounds like a laugh to Louis. “I’m not.” He says quietly.

Okay, he has to be careful now. “Do you mind if I join you?” He asks carefully.

There’s no answer for a few seconds and Louis feels so ond edge like the guy might make a move every second and just vanish before Louis would even have the chance to grab him or something. God he doesn’t want this to mess up.

“I actually came here to be... like... alone.” The guy finally says and he speaks really slowly like maybe he might be on drugs or something. Louis knows how Niall gets fucking hyper when he takes something and Liam literally just lays on the ground and looks at the ceiling like it holds the secret of the universe.

“Me too but you kind of took my spot. So.” Louis then says and holds his breath, praying to a higher power that no one will choose this moment to try and reach him over his radio set.

“This isn’t your spot.” The guy says calmy.

“How would you know?”

“I’ve been here before. Never seen you around.” He explains.

Louis takes a step closer, this time not making any sound. “You don’t know what I look like.”

“Are you seriously not going to leave me alone?” The guy asks, still not sounding angry, maybe a little bit annoyed but then again that wouldn’t be the first time Louis got that kind of reaction out of anyone.

“I kind of walked all the way up here.” Louis says, trying to get the guy to feel sorry for him and just let him sit down so he can see his face and properly talk to him because that's something Louis' actually good that. 

Seconds pass and Louis' not sure if this guy is going to answer him or not when he hears a small sigh. "Alright." The guy says, not really sounding happy about it but Louis didn't expect him to. 

This time he makes sure the guy can hear him approaching and he takes his time sitting down, on the left side of the guy, with at least an arm length of space between their bodies. Louis wouldn't mind sitting closer, cause it's so fucking cold his eyes are watering, but like, the situation is different. He doesn't want to sit here, his feet dangling over nothing but air. He isn't afraid of heights, not at all actually, but it's the thought of the situation that scares him a bit. One false move and he'll be gone.

He has to really challenge himself to not look at the guy's face immediately, instead focusing his eyes on the sea and listening to crashing waves underneath them. Neither of them speak and Louis makes it about thirty seconds before he has to look at him. 

Well he doesn't see a lot because it's kind of dark but he does notice how this  _guy_ is more like a boy. He has to be at least a few years younger than Louis himself, eighteen maybe. He's wearing a beanie and Louis can make out dark hair underneath it. That's about all he registers in that moment.

At least until the boy sighs softly and turns his face in Louis' direction. 

And like, he shouldn't fucking think things like that because this isn't the time, but the boy is just. He's gorgeous. 

"Who are you?" He asks Louis quietly, his eyes that might be blue or green - Louis' can't really tell - taking in Louis' features. 

He has really full lips. 

"Uh" Louis clears his throat. What the fuck is wrong with him? "I'm Louis. Nice to meet you...?"

"Harry." The boy, well  _Harry_ , says. "And it's nice to meet you, too, Louis."

Louis smiles a little, confused, because he's not sure how to feel about this. He doesn't know what Harry is doing here and like, he still feels really tense. 

"Okay, Harry. What brings you up here?" He asks, and he knows it's very straight forward, but it is a question any normal person would ask in this situation, right?

Harry shrugs and looks away again, his breath showing in the frosty air around them. "Couldn't sleep."

"Isn't it... like, a bit dangerous? Sitting here, at night, all alone?" 

Harry smiles. Louis' eyes catch on his dimple and there's a small tug at the pit of his stomach. Nope. "Could ask you the same thing, Louis."

"Well, me for my part, I certainly wouldn't be sitting this close to the edge." Alright now the professionnal part seems to finally kick in. He looks down at the coast. "It's quite a drop."

Harry nods. "If it happens, it happens." He simply says and Louis really didn't want to hear that. 

He's not sure what to say next because he still hasn't figure out what Harry's real intentions are and he doesn't want to say the wrong thing here. "You wouldn't survive that." That certainly wasn't the  _right_ thing to say.

"I guess so." Harry sighs and takes a deep breath. "As you said, it's quite a drop." 

Louis nods. "So you wouldn't mind?" 

That makes Harry face him again. He's still very gorgeous. And Louis is still very much an idiot. "Wouldn't mind what?"

It takes Louis a while to get the word out. "Falling?"

And then Harry smiles, and it's the most beautiful smile Louis has seen on anyone really, and at the same time it kind of tears his heart apart because of Harry's next words. "I'm not sure someone who comes up here in the middle of the night, and sits at the edge of this cliff, would mind falling."

Louis' throat closes up a little at Harry's words. His mind won't wrap around the idea of someone like Harry just... ending their life. What went wrong? What makes him so sad that he has to come here thinking it wouldn't matter if he fell? "Your parents would mind." He says a little helplessly. 

"I'm sure they would." Harry smiles sadly and turns away again. 

"I would mind, too." Louis then says, carfeully. 

"You barely know me, Louis." 

"That's true, but I know your name, and I know you have trouble sleeping. And you have a dimple in your left cheek." 

Harry laughs at that and it seems genuine, he turns around again, smiling. "I know you're a patrol, Louis." He suddenly says. 

Well, Louis isn't surprised, he's wearing a vest with the word PATROL on it, the letters are even glowing. "I'm... not?" He tries weakly and Harry's smile turns a bit sad. And okay, that's definetly something Louis doesn't ever want to see again. The way the boy's face falls makes his chest feel really tight and it really shouldn't because Louis barely knows him. 

"I'm not gonna jump." Harry then says and Louis flinches. "I'm not."

"Okay." Is all Louis is able to say in that moment. He didn't expect Harry to adress it himself, let alone be that upfront about it. Also, his voice was shaking and Louis gets a bit concerned now. "Would you... mind coming with me then? Drink a cup of tea and... talk?"

"We can talk here." Harry says but Louis sees how the boy is trying to cover up the way his body is shaking. His hands are stuffed in the pockets of his jacket and Louis can definitely make out the way he's clenching them. God knows how long he's been sitting here. 

"I'd rather not. You must be freezing Harry." He says quietly and Harry shakes his head. Louis hears him take a shuddering breath and it makes the hair at the nape of Louis' neck stand up and not really in a good way.

"I'm okay." 

"I just thought-"

"I won't-" He suddenly says, a lot louder, facing Louis again and his eyes look... god, they look wet. Louis can barely look at him, at his pained expression. He wants to make it go away, he wants to help him, but he knows Harry probably really doesn't want that. "I won't jump." Harry adds, really quietly and it takes all of Louis' willpower not to close his arms around him. 

"I believe you." Louis says. "But you seem upset, and that concerns me. Also it's very cold, and you're shaking. Let me... I'm just trying to help, Harry. You don't have to see me ever again. But please come with me, so we can warm you up."

So much could happen right now. Harry clearly isn't feeling okay anymore and he's back to staring at the sea and Louis feels the tension in his body again. He really would like to take Harry's hand and pull him away from the edge, into the middle of the field, so he can stop feeling like the boy's going to slip away any second.

"I'm sorry" Harry suddenly whispers, and Louis sees the way Harry's hands push at the grass beneath his fingers and Louis' whole body leaps into action, his heart freezing with fear as he reaches out and clasps his fingers around Harry's arm in a death grip. 

Harry looks at him, confused, the way Louis' clinging onto him and he smiles sadly when he seems to realize why Louis did that. And Louis realizes that Harry had just been trying to stand up. But fuck, he just thought- "I thought you believed me." Harry says bitterly.

Louis' heart is almost beating out of his chest and his limbs feel practically numb and he's positive that he hasn't ever felt so scared in his entire life. "I'm sorry." He rushes out, sounding breathless. "Fuck, no I believe you, Harry, I do. I just-"

"Let's just go." Harry says, not looking at him as he shakes his arm out of Louis' grip softly.

Louis does, reluctantly and still feels on edge while Harry gets up to his feet. Only when they've reached the small path does he dare to take a breath again. Harry is taller than him but the way he's shaking and the way he won't look at Louis makes him seem really small and vulnerable. 

"This way." Louis says softly and somehow doesn't feel relieved at all, even if he might have prevented Harry from jumping. Well, Harry said he wasn't going to jump, but Louis just can't bring himself to believe it. Not with the way there were tears in his eyes when he was saying those words. He wants to believe him, like hell he does, but Harry's crying quietly next to him and there's something so sad about this boy that it almost breaks his heart.

There's a lump in his throat and his fingers are itching to touch him, to make sure he's there and okay and Louis wants to help him, which Harry doesn't seem to want him to.

He just hopes Harry isn't going to disappear as soon as his shift is over.

**Author's Note:**

> english isn't my first language and this isn't proofread so sorry for any mistakes. i hope it was okay? well thanks for reading anyway :)


End file.
